The Comrade reviews the Chinese ÀÏÒ»Ì× laoyitao (same old rhetoric) that every aspiring Öйúͨ zhongguotong (China expert) must know in order to keep up their end of a conversation.

The word stereotype’, like the word 'doggie-style,’ is difficult to translate accurately in Chinese. A stereotype is an assumption about an individual's behavior or personality based on his or her nationality or skin color. For example, when you Ï뵱Ȼ xiangdangran (assume) that someone is an alcoholic just because they are Irish, you are guilty of stereotyping.

Luckily we are in China, where there's no such thing as stereotypes. There are only norms-truths and non-truths. But foreigners insist that there is a difference between 'facts’ and 'stereotypes’. All this trifling has caused much unnecessary confusion and doubt.

"Foreigners are less civilized than Chinese people." Fact or stereotype?
"All " ÓÌÌ«ÈË youtairen (Jews) are smart." Fact or stereotype?
"Foreigners are all hairy." Fact or stereotype?
The fact is, it doesn't matter. One comrade's fact is another's stereotype, and vice versa. Rather than trying to distinguish 'facts’ from 'stereotypes’, the Comrade will instead review the Chinese ÀÏÒ»Ì× laoyitao (same old rhetoric) that every aspiring Öйúͨ zhongguotong (China expert) must know in order to keep up their end of a conversation with Chinese people. The following statements are held to be self-evident in China. Whether they are true or not is irrelevant!

For example, »ìѪ¶ù hunxuer (people of mixed blood) and ×óƲ×Ó zuopiezi (lefties) are ´ÏÃ÷ congming (smart), like Jews. If you think you might be a »ìѪ¶ù hunxuer but aren't sure how smart you are, there are a few Ìõ¼þ tiaojian (conditions) that have to be met before the ´ÏÃ÷ congming label can be stuck on your forehead: in China, a person of 'mixed blood’ refers to the child of two parents of different skin color. The child of a German-French mixed marriage or the child of a Korean-Japanese mixed marriage is not as smart as, say, the child of black and white parents.

And while left-handed people are supposed to be smart, no self-respecting Chinese parent would ever allow their child to grow up using his or her left hand to д×Ö xiezi (write) or ʹ¿ê×Ó shi kuaizi (use chopsticks). Forcing the child to use its right hand is for the child's own good - to spare him or her from the inconvenient fate of bumping elbows with right-handed diners at the dinner table.

Here are some standard Chinese stereotypes regarding foreigners of various nationalities:
Americans ÃÀ¹úÈË meiguo ren
All Americans own a ǹ qiang (gun) and would use it in so much as a dispute over a parking space. Americans are all fat, drive Cadillacs, eat nothing but McDonald's and KFC and ½»Åä jiaopei (copulate) all the time. American women are wild and hard to please in bed. Americans are not Ç«Ðé qianxu (modest). On the other hand, they are conceited and smug about their wealth and power.

Canadians ¼ÓÄôóÈË jianada ren
Despite the fact that Canada itself is nothing more than America's running dog, Canadian people are among the least bad of all foreign devils. That's because ´óɽ Da Shan, the docile, nerdish Chinese-speaking Canadian, has won the hearts of Chinese TV viewers through his yearly asinine spectacle in which he speaks Chinese, behaves himself well and never says anything bad about China or Chinese people.

Japanese ÈÕ±¾ÈË riben ren
Japanese people are all short. That's why they are also referred to as СÈÕ±¾ÈË xiao ribenren. What they lack in height they make up for in wealth. Their wealth is in part due to being a running dog of the US, in part due to the fact that Japanese people are all ¹¤×÷¿ñ gongzuokuang (workaholics). Japanese people are ÏÂÁ÷ xialiu (perverted) - they bathe in unisex public showers and purchase ½»¾ß jiaoju (sex toys) and »Æɫ¼Ïñ huangse luxiang (pornographic videos) from vending machines. But Japanese women are ˳´Ó shuncong (subservient to) men and make the best wives.

Hong Kong Ïã¸ÛÈË xianggang ren
Hong Kong people are short, but not as short as Japanese people. Occupation by the British has made them rich, but they still shout when they speak and their ¹úÓï guoyu (Mandarin) is unintelligible. Due to the sad fact that Hong Kong women are ÆÃÀ± pola (disheveled and tattered), Hong Kong businessmen leave their wives and families behind and go on frequent business trips to ´ó½ dalu (Mainland China), where they keep mistresses.

Taiwanese ̨ÍåÈË taiwan ren
The ±¾µØÈË bendi ren (natives) of Taiwan, known as ¸ßɽÈË gaoshanren are ÏçÏÂÈËxiangxiaren (villagers), hence the affectionate nickname ̨°Í×Ó 'aibazi’ which means 'Taiwanese bumpkins’. Other Taiwanese are descended from the ¹úÃñµ³ guomindang (Kuo Min Tang, or Nationalist Party), the running dogs of the American imperialists who fled to Taiwan in 1949, taking enough priceless ¹ú±¦ guobao (national treasures) and ½ðÇ® jinqian (money) with them to ensure their wealth right up to the present day.

Europeans Å·ÖÞÈËouzhou ren
According to Chinese stereotypes about Europeans, ·¨¹úÈË faguo ren (French) are ÀËÂþ langman (romantic) and drink wine constantly.

Òâ´óÀûÈË yidali ren (Italians) are ÈÈÇé reqing (affectionate) and eat nothing but pizza and spaghetti (which, by the way, was a Chinese invention).

µÂ¹úÈË deguo ren (Germans) are ÈÏÕæ renzhen (serious; diligent) and drink beer with breakfast. As a matter of fact, German people's homes all have taps that run with beer.

Russians ¶í¹úÈË eguo ren
Since ËÕÁª sulian (the Soviet Union) has not been doing so well these past few decades economically speaking, there are relatively few Chinese stereotypes about Russian people. The topic of Russian people simply isn't discussed as frequently as topics dealing with other, wealthier nations. Russians spend their days and nights merrily guzzling ·üÌØ¼Ó¾Æ futejiajiu (vodka). They are Ò°Âù yeman (uncivilized; savage), and Russian women are ¸ß´ó gaoda (big and tall) and masculine.

And finally, ÖйúÈË zhongguoren (Chinese people)
There are certain stereotypes about Chinese people too. For example, foreigners think that Chinese people all know ÎäÊõ wushu (martial arts). Another stereotype about Chinese people shared by foreigners and Chinese alike is that Chinese men have small ÉúÖ³Æ÷ shengzhiqi (reproductive organs) and that Chinese girls are ±£ÊØ baoshou (conservative).

Finally, remember that China is a country where more than a billion people share about 100 surnames and the same 5,000-year-old culture, so the whole concept of 'stereotypes’ is rather immaterial. So the next time you think you're come across a stereotype in China, just ignore it like you ignore daily shouts of 'helloor’ by the migrant workers currently digging up your street.